Articles on Helping Teens Do Well

by Dr. Lynn Margolies

Back to Parenting Challenges

The characters from the vignettes in Dr. Margolies’ articles are fictitious and designed to be relatable to many people and common themes. They are not based on any patient’s individual situation or disclosure but were derived from a composite of people and events for the purpose of representing real-life situations and psychological dilemmas. Terms of Use.

Being a Grownup When Your Kid Hates You

This column tells a story based on a composite of real-life situations in therapy, depicting both the teen and parent’s viewpoints in divorce when the parent child relationship is affected by anger and guilt. The stories are followed by the therapist’s psychological analysis and guidance.

Breaking Up With Your College-Bound Teen

Feeling rejected, worried, or fed up with your college-bound teen? You are not alone. Here’s what to do.

Can a Parent Have Too Much Empathy?

Many people experience vicarious distress when imagining other people’s reactions, which can hold them back from taking needed action in those relationships.

Executive Function Problem or Just a Lazy Kid: Part 1

A common denominator and basis of all executive functioning is the ability to hold things in mind, step back and reflect. Without this capacity, it is difficult to have perspective, judgment, or emotional control. Therefore, admonishing or punishing children who are not following the rules because of limited executive function is not only ineffective, but leads children who are already frustrated and discouraged to feel bad about themselves and unsupported.

Executive Function Problem or Just a Lazy Kid? Part 2 — Parent Tips and Guidance

Without accurately understanding children’s behavior, parents and teachers may intervene in ways that compound the situation, creating a control struggle on top of the original problem. To be effective in helping children, we must accurately diagnose the problem and be curious about what is happening: What is causing this behavior? Though defiance and executive function deficits can look the same on the surface, a problem of defiance is handled differently than a problem of limited capacity.

How Parents Can Help Teens Under Academic Pressure (and 5 Common Traps)

When grades are slipping and teens don’t seem to be taking action, it’s easy for parents to react from frustration and helplessness. Under pressure, we can fall into common traps without realizing it. These common instinctive reactions, even if they feel justified, add to a child’s anxiety and discouragement, destabilizing them and further reducing motivaton.

How Pushing Kids to Succeed Can Backfire

Perfectionism in kids can harm motivation, mental health, and long-term success. Learn healthier parenting strategies for real growth and achievement.

How to Get More of the Behavior You Want in Kids (Without Really Trying)

When kids independently do what we would have wanted, either their natural inclinations sync with our values – or our values have been successfully transmitted. At these happy moments, an ill-timed temptation to jump in to emphasize a lesson may pop up from anxiety, perfectionism, or difficulty letting go. Instead of riding the wave and following children’s lead, we hijack it, emphasizing our approval, offering rewards, or reminding them this is what we’ve been saying all along.

Influencing People: What Works to Change Behavior (and How It Applies to Parenting)

Without accurately understanding children’s behavior, we may intervene in ways that compound the situation, creating a control struggle on top of the original problem. To be effective in helping children, we must accurately diagnose the problem and be curious: What’s causing this behavior? Though they may look the same, a problem of defiance is handled differently than one of capacity. Learning difficulties involving executive functioning are neurologically based, but executive functioning is sensitive to and impeded by stress. Parents’ reactions can, in this way, become an additional impediment to children’s executive functioning.

Parent Anxiety Over Kids’ Perceived Failures (Part 1)

One of the most common difficulties for parents is how to contain their reactions and not make things worse when children don’t do well or fail to measure up to their expectations. Families with kids who are not high achievers, or who have academic or psychological challenges, are most vulnerable.

Parent Guilt Over Kids’ Perceived Failures (Part 2)

When parents feel guilty or excessively bad for children, it’s harder to set limits, be truthful and direct, and challenge kids within their zone of capability. This inhibits opportunities for children to develop self-control, confidence and realistic expectations of themselves and others, perpetuating the cycle of underachievement.

Parenting Teens: 7 Important Questions With Answers That Sort Truth From Fiction

Parents of teens can use answers. But it’s not so easy to stay updated. This questionnaire highlights common questions and popular confusions to help parents sort out truth from fiction.

Reactive Parenting with Teens – A Common Cause of Broken Connections

This column tells a story based on a composite of real-life situations in families, depicting both the teenager’s and parent’s perspective.

The Paths to Progress for Our Graduates

Perfectionism in teens is rising with pressure to succeed. Learn how parental expectations impact mental health and shape success beyond high school.

The Pressure Cooker Before College: How to Actually Help Your Teen

The senior year countdown to college brings out parents’ worries and fears, which increases teens’ own anxieties and self-doubt. During this time of escalating pressure and stress in families, parents can fall into common traps that defeat their intention to help and interfere with teens developing capacities. This article helps parents recognize the traps and use positive strategies to actually help their teen.

The Teen Temperament

Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on a New York Times Column: Younger Teenagers Make Their Case to Vote (Sunday Styles, Aug. 10)

Unintended Effects of Popular Advice

Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on A New York Times Column: Sorry, You Don’t Get an A for Effort (December 29th 2025)

What Teens Are Doing Online (and Don’t Tell Their Parents)

Why do teens watch porn? How it impacts their views on sex, consent, and relationships—and what parents can do to effectively address these issues.