Ph.D. Psychologist
Newton, MA
Articles on Women’s Issues
By Dr. Lynn Margolies
In This Section
The characters from the vignettes in Dr. Margolies’ articles are fictitious and designed to be relatable to many people and common themes. They are not based on any patient’s individual situation or disclosure but were derived from a composite of people and events for the purpose of representing real-life situations and psychological dilemmas. Terms of Use.
4 Match-Up Types: Which One Do You (Unconsciously) Select?
Find out why matching with certain types of people can lead to surprising outcomes you did not expect (or want).
Amazing Doesn’t Have to Mean Superhuman & Perfectionistic
Dr. Margolies’ Letter to the editor with a response from the publication.
Barriers to True Forgiveness
Well, forgiveness is not so simple. We cannot just decide to forgive and command ourselves to make it happen through sheer force of will.
Being An Actual Imposter is Now More Popular Than Imposter Syndrome
Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on A New York Times Column: It’s the Era of Swagger Without the Sweat (Savannah Sobrevilla, March 29, 2026)
Breaking Stereotypes: Why Women Excel at Financial Negotiation and Decision-Making
This blog discusses recent findings that women may be more effective than men in negotiating finances in certain situations and making smart decisions.
Can a Parent Have Too Much Empathy?
Many people experience vicarious distress when imagining other people’s reactions, which can hold them back from taking needed action in those relationships.
Can Having a Conscientious Spouse Have an Impact on Your Career?
Wondering how to support your spouse’s career? Research shows a supportive partner boosts success, job satisfaction, and happiness by reducing stress.
Competition Among Women: Myth & Reality
Women seem to have a reputation for being “catty” and competitive with other women, unlike how men behave with other men. This is a curious notion, especially since women are actually less competitive than men out in the world and less comfortable being competitive.
Coping With Trauma & Avoiding Misconceptions
Most of us function by maintaining an illusion of control over life with only dim awareness of possible catastrophe. A basic sense of security runs in the background of our psyche – like a computer operating system – imperceptible until it crashes. When our security is ripped away by trauma, we’re shocked and catapulted into a different reality. Suddenly the threat of danger and loss looms large, making us acutely aware that life is fragile.
Couples Therapy
Marital/couples therapy is a form of therapy which involves working with both partners of a couple to improve their relationship and/or help them make important decisions about the relationship.
Daughters Growing Up, Mothers Growing Scared
Difficulties with separation often are activated during developmental transitions such as the first day of kindergarten, adolescence, high school graduation, leaving home and finally, marriage. At these junctures, mothers need to step back and let go, allowing their children to mature and transition to the next level.
Good News If You Often Feel Rejected
We all experience rejection as painful. The need to fit in and be accepted is hard-wired. The primal sensitivity to rejection impacts adult relationships, child and teen peer relationships, as well as parents and their children.
How to Live With Your (Newly Returned) “Grown-up” Child
Families are in transition now as college age kids that used to be living at school are returning home. Many parents are struggling with how to live with their kids who are often bolder now and have new ways of living and acting that pose a problem for parents. This column is a response to many parents requesting help with how to approach and word unwelcome conversations with their.
How to Set Boundaries With Difficult People
Boundary setting is challenging. Most people have difficulty saying no or setting a boundary. Predictably, ithout a strategy, people resort to repeating the same tactics that haven’t worked or give in and then get resentful. Boundaries protect relationships, and this can used to leverage your own motiavation to set them and as an explicit rationale with another person.
How to Snap People Out of Compulsive Self-Defeating Patterns
Understand why smart people repeat self-defeating patterns. Learn strategies to overcome self-sabotage and break compulsive behaviors permanently.
How to Succeed at Influencing People in Difficult Conversations
Thoughtful preparation when it comes to conversations involving strong feelings is worth the effort in order to maximize success and effect damage control. Fast forwarding in our minds to predict how communications will likely play out can make it quickly obvious whether, with whom, how, and in what situations we want to engage around loaded topics.
How to Tell What Your Guilt Means, and Turn It Around
Learn what your guilt is really telling you and what to do with it.
Is Perfectionism on the Rise in Teenagers? The Startling News About It’s Impact on Mental Health
Perfectionism in teens fuels anxiety and increases suicide risks. Learn how family and community pressure can silently affect teen mental health.
Is Shame Good or Bad? the Effects of Shame & Guilt
Do you know the difference between shame and guilt, why shame is worse than guilt, and how shame is transmitted?
It’s Not Just Who You Are – but Who You’re With
Many people seek partners based on a list of qualifications or instinctive attraction to certain types. These approaches, though popular, do not consider the flavor that will emerge when features they are drawn to co-mingle with their own personality.
Mind Games in Families: How to Keep Your Sanity
Are you giving up your power in relationships with intimidating people? Understanding the psychology behind what’s happening can help you act from a position of strength.
“Pleasing” Is Not the Proper Word
Describing yourself (or someone else) as a “people pleaser” confuses subordinating yourself with altruism, and encourages this unhealthy behavior. Read Dr. Margolies commentary in the New York Times to understand the psychology behind the term “people pleaser” and why the language you use matters.
Risk Tolerance: What to Do When Yours Is Different From Your Spouse
This column offers a simple strategy to help couples reduce and de-escalate conflict. It discusses common struggles behind closed doors. Common issues between spouses during the pandemic have to do with risk tolerance differences, feeling trapped and resentful. This piece offers perspective and ideas that will help in practical ways and apply to couples in general around other issues and in other situations.
Surefire Ways to Alienate Your Adult Children (and Other People)
This article discusses confusing patterns that occur with narcissistic and controlling parents and other people.
The Epidemic of Sexual Violence on Campus
This blog discusses important findings on sexual assault on campus.
The Fight or Flight Response: How It Affects Men and Women’s Ability to Talk Things Out
This blog discusses research findings on why men need space.
The Long-Term Impact of Childhood Maltreatment
This blog discusses recent findings on the long-term effects of childhood emotional neglect and abuse. Other topics: how binge drinking in adolescents affects gene expression in adulthood, and recent finding on marijuana use in people with bipolar disorder.
The Psychology of How We React to Witnessing Violence
Have people lost their humanity? It’s hard to feel otherwise reading about the death on New York’s subway. But other explanations may help restore hope.
The Surprising Power of Support: Research on How Love and Support Impacts Trauma Recovery and Buffers Pain
This blog discusses interesting new research on the positive biological effects of love and support.
Understanding the Effects of Trauma: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Many people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder fail to seek treatment because of not having correctly identified or recognized their symptoms as trauma-related, and/or not knowing their symptoms are treatable. Also, the inherent avoidance, withdrawal, memory disruption, fear, guilt, shame, and mistrust associated with PTSD, can make it difficult to come forward and seek help. The process of integration allows the trauma to become a part of normal memory rather than something to be perpetually feared and avoided, interfering with normal life, and frozen in time.
We Can Have an Impact
Dr. Margolies’ commentary on a New York Times article with a headline that used a poor choice of words.
Weddings, Graduations & Other Chapter Endings
Milestones such as weddings and graduations and other chapter endings are complicated and not always filled with bliss. This article is about the psychologiy of navigating major life transitions. Major transitions are difficult because they unexpectedly activate struggles around saying good-bye, letting go, facing change, and interpersonal conflicts.
What Men Say About Their Wives Behind Closed Doors
Underlying the stories that men tell iabout their wives n therapy is the feeling that their wives are not really their friend. Women don’t seem to realize this. For men, a “friend” means someone who likes you, is happy for you when you make it, and who encourages you in your career and personal goals because in spite of all else, they really do want you to be happy. Research on marriage has found that celebrating your partner’s success is an essential ingredient of a good marriage, and actually more predictive of a good marriage than being supportive when your partner is unhappy.
What to Say About Drinking: How to Tell if Your Teen Needs Limits
This column depicts the challenges parents face when trying to protect their teen. The story is told from the separate viewpoints of Dylan, 17, and his parents in a situation involving unproductive conversations about drinking. The story is followed by the therapist’s psychological analysis and guidance to the family.
When Perseverance Costs You Success
Most of us know that persevering – staying the course and not giving up despite difficulties and setbacks – is an important part of what it takes to be successful in many areas of life. But perseverance, like other intrinsically healthy behaviors, can be taken too far and actually work against moving forward.
When Teens (or 20 Somethings) Think You’re Bugging Them – but Really They’re Bugging You
This article is about a common dynamic in families in which parents feel controlled by their teenage or adult child’s anger, irritability, and/or fragility and, as a result, avoid approaching certain topics or setting needed limits. Tiptoeing and avoiding instead of taking charge leads people who need boundaries to become more out of control and too powerful. The article discusses this dynamic, common obstacles to giving truthful feedback and setting boundaries, and lists practical steps for how to overcome them.
Why Appeasing or Being Silent Attracts Aggression in Bullies
Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on A New York Times Column: Trump Is Playing Rope-a-Dope With Elite Law Firms (Jeffrey Toobin, March 5)
Women’s Issues: How Therapy Can Help
Some struggles that women experience are common to many women, and can therefore be attributed to or understood in this larger context of what it means to be a woman in this culture. Framing women’s issues in this larger context helps to normalize these struggles, rather than blame women for them and unfairly contribute to their shame and self-doubt.
