Articles on The Art of Persuasion

by Dr. Lynn Margolies

The characters from the vignettes in Dr. Margolies’ articles are fictitious and designed to be relatable to many people and common themes. They are not based on any patient’s individual situation or disclosure but were derived from a composite of people and events for the purpose of representing real-life situations and psychological dilemmas. Terms of Use.

5 Common Mistakes When Engaging Someone Who Won’t Talk

People make similar mistakes that are not so obvious when trying to engage someone who doesn’t want to talk. Considering the audience and previous interactions with them allows us to predict how conversations will play out and make informed decisions. Good timing is observing the other person’s mood and state of mind, and getting their consent before launching a question or statement.

Apology Not Accepted: Why “Sorry” Won’t Get You Off the Hook

Learn the psychology behind bad apologies (and a simple formula for success).

Arming Yourself Against “I’m Just Saying,” and Other Annoying Phrases

Annoyed by phrases like “I’m just saying”? Learn why people use them, their hidden meanings, and practical ways to respond confidently.

Being a Grownup When Your Kid Hates You

This column tells a story based on a composite of real-life situations in therapy, depicting both the teen and parent’s viewpoints in divorce when the parent child relationship is affected by anger and guilt. The stories are followed by the therapist’s psychological analysis and guidance.

Being An Actual Imposter is Now More Popular Than Imposter Syndrome

Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on A New York Times Column: It’s the Era of Swagger Without the Sweat (Savannah Sobrevilla, March 29, 2026)

How to Be Protective When Your Son Thinks He Is Gay

Parents don’t have the power to influence whether their child is gay or not, but do have the power to influence how their child feels about themselves. A close relationship with parents has been found to provide the best insulation from dangers in the outside world.

How to Influence Teens Who Cover Up

What to say to teens who think everything is none of your business or other porcupine tactics that shut parents out.

How to Live With Your (Newly Returned) “Grown-up” Child

Families are in transition now as college age kids that used to be living at school are returning home. Many parents are struggling with how to live with their kids who are often bolder now and have new ways of living and acting that pose a problem for parents. This column is a response to many parents requesting help with how to approach and word unwelcome conversations with their.

How to Set Boundaries With Difficult People

Boundary setting is challenging. Most people have difficulty saying no or setting a boundary. Predictably, ithout a strategy, people resort to repeating the same tactics that haven’t worked or give in and then get resentful. Boundaries protect relationships, and this can used to leverage your own motiavation to set them and as an explicit rationale with another person.

How to Snap People Out of Compulsive Self-Defeating Patterns

Understand why smart people repeat self-defeating patterns. Learn strategies to overcome self-sabotage and break compulsive behaviors permanently.

How to Succeed at Influencing People in Difficult Conversations

Thoughtful preparation when it comes to conversations involving strong feelings is worth the effort in order to maximize success and effect damage control. Fast forwarding in our minds to predict how communications will likely play out can make it quickly obvious whether, with whom, how, and in what situations we want to engage around loaded topics.

Influencing People: What Works to Change Behavior (and How It Applies to Parenting)

Without accurately understanding children’s behavior, we may intervene in ways that compound the situation, creating a control struggle on top of the original problem. To be effective in helping children, we must accurately diagnose the problem and be curious: What’s causing this behavior? Though they may look the same, a problem of defiance is handled differently than one of capacity. Learning difficulties involving executive functioning are neurologically based, but executive functioning is sensitive to and impeded by stress. Parents’ reactions can, in this way, become an additional impediment to children’s executive functioning.

Risk Tolerance: What to Do When Yours Is Different From Your Spouse

This column offers a simple strategy to help couples reduce and de-escalate conflict. It discusses common struggles behind closed doors. Common issues between spouses during the pandemic have to do with risk tolerance differences, feeling trapped and resentful. This piece offers perspective and ideas that will help in practical ways and apply to couples in general around other issues and in other situations.

“That’s an Ugly Shirt. I’m Just Saying”

Lately the annoying expression “I’m just saying” keeps coming up in everyday conversation. The remark preceded by “I’m just saying” is unsolicited and provocative. “I’m just saying” creates a confusing interpersonal dynamic. The speaker unconsciously attempts to trick the listener into believing an altered reality in which he or she is blameless, and the listener is implicitly accused of having an unfounded reaction.

What Parents Don’t Know About Internet Porn: a Parent Guide

Parents can mediate the negative effects of internet porn on teens.

What Teens Are Doing Online (and Don’t Tell Their Parents)

Why do teens watch porn? How it impacts their views on sex, consent, and relationships—and what parents can do to effectively address these issues.

When “I’m Sorry” Doesn’t Work

Many people readily apologize but find it doesn’t get them very far – or even aggravates the problem. Learn the psychology behind bad and good apologies, including 5 simple steps for apologies that work.

Why Appeasing or Being Silent Attracts Aggression in Bullies

Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on A New York Times Column: Trump Is Playing Rope-a-Dope With Elite Law Firms (Jeffrey Toobin, March 5)

Why We Hold Grudges: The Psychology of Whether to Forgive

The holiday season ramps up pressure to forgive family members who have hurt us.

You Should Be So Lucky: Dealing With Tragedy

People often avoid and isolate those who are grieving or have terminal illnesses, either literally or emotionally – inadvertently isolating the person in their lives who is suffering. They are uncomfortable, don’t know what to say or how to act – staying far enough away to preclude being able to really relate. They change the topic to the luck of it all or steer clear of talking about the elephant in the room. Why do people act this way.