Articles on Moving Beyond Self-Subordination

by Dr. Lynn Margolies

Back to Women’s Issues

The characters from the vignettes in Dr. Margolies’ articles are fictitious and designed to be relatable to many people and common themes. They are not based on any patient’s individual situation or disclosure but were derived from a composite of people and events for the purpose of representing real-life situations and psychological dilemmas. Terms of Use.

4 Match-Up Types: Which One Do You (Unconsciously) Select?

Find out why matching with certain types of people can lead to surprising outcomes you did not expect (or want).

Amazing Doesn’t Have to Mean Superhuman & Perfectionistic

Dr. Margolies’ Letter to the editor with a response from the publication.

Barriers to True Forgiveness

Well, forgiveness is not so simple. We cannot just decide to forgive and command ourselves to make it happen through sheer force of will.

Being An Actual Imposter is Now More Popular Than Imposter Syndrome

Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on A New York Times Column: It’s the Era of Swagger Without the Sweat (Savannah Sobrevilla, March 29, 2026)

Can a Parent Have Too Much Empathy?

Many people experience vicarious distress when imagining other people’s reactions, which can hold them back from taking needed action in those relationships.

Coping With Trauma & Avoiding Misconceptions

Most of us function by maintaining an illusion of control over life with only dim awareness of possible catastrophe. A basic sense of security runs in the background of our psyche – like a computer operating system – imperceptible until it crashes. When our security is ripped away by trauma, we’re shocked and catapulted into a different reality. Suddenly the threat of danger and loss looms large, making us acutely aware that life is fragile.

Couples Therapy

Marital/couples therapy is a form of therapy which involves working with both partners of a couple to improve their relationship and/or help them make important decisions about the relationship.

Good News If You Often Feel Rejected

We all experience rejection as painful. The need to fit in and be accepted is hard-wired. The primal sensitivity to rejection impacts adult relationships, child and teen peer relationships, as well as parents and their children.

How to Set Boundaries With Difficult People

Boundary setting is challenging. Most people have difficulty saying no or setting a boundary. Predictably, ithout a strategy, people resort to repeating the same tactics that haven’t worked or give in and then get resentful. Boundaries protect relationships, and this can used to leverage your own motiavation to set them and as an explicit rationale with another person.

How to Succeed at Influencing People in Difficult Conversations

Thoughtful preparation when it comes to conversations involving strong feelings is worth the effort in order to maximize success and effect damage control. Fast forwarding in our minds to predict how communications will likely play out can make it quickly obvious whether, with whom, how, and in what situations we want to engage around loaded topics.

How to Tell What Your Guilt Means, and Turn It Around

Learn what your guilt is really telling you and what to do with it.

Is Shame Good or Bad? the Effects of Shame & Guilt

Do you know the difference between shame and guilt, why shame is worse than guilt, and how shame is transmitted?

It’s Not Just Who You Are – but Who You’re With

Many people seek partners based on a list of qualifications or instinctive attraction to certain types. These approaches, though popular, do not consider the flavor that will emerge when features they are drawn to co-mingle with their own personality.

“Pleasing” Is Not the Proper Word

Describing yourself (or someone else) as a “people pleaser” confuses subordinating yourself with altruism, and encourages this unhealthy behavior. Read Dr. Margolies commentary in the New York Times to understand the psychology behind the term “people pleaser” and why the language you use matters.

Risk Tolerance: What to Do When Yours Is Different From Your Spouse

This column offers a simple strategy to help couples reduce and de-escalate conflict. It discusses common struggles behind closed doors. Common issues between spouses during the pandemic have to do with risk tolerance differences, feeling trapped and resentful. This piece offers perspective and ideas that will help in practical ways and apply to couples in general around other issues and in other situations.

The Long-Term Impact of Childhood Maltreatment

This blog discusses recent findings on the long-term effects of childhood emotional neglect and abuse. Other topics: how binge drinking in adolescents affects gene expression in adulthood, and recent finding on marijuana use in people with bipolar disorder.

Understanding the Effects of Trauma: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Many people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder fail to seek treatment because of not having correctly identified or recognized their symptoms as trauma-related, and/or not knowing their symptoms are treatable. Also, the inherent avoidance, withdrawal, memory disruption, fear, guilt, shame, and mistrust associated with PTSD, can make it difficult to come forward and seek help. The process of integration allows the trauma to become a part of normal memory rather than something to be perpetually feared and avoided, interfering with normal life, and frozen in time.

Why Appeasing or Being Silent Attracts Aggression in Bullies

Dr. Margolies’ Commentary on A New York Times Column: Trump Is Playing Rope-a-Dope With Elite Law Firms (Jeffrey Toobin, March 5)

Women’s Issues: How Therapy Can Help

Some struggles that women experience are common to many women, and can therefore be attributed to or understood in this larger context of what it means to be a woman in this culture. Framing women’s issues in this larger context helps to normalize these struggles, rather than blame women for them and unfairly contribute to their shame and self-doubt.